Dear Frank, Mommy loves you.

Dear Frank,

Frankie, Frankenstein, Frankendoodle, Doodlebug, Franklin, Frankenfurter, FrankNBeans, Mr. Frank,  Frank White, Gangsta Kitty.

16 years ago, I walked into the Humane Society in Colorado looking for a dog. A litter of kittens had just been brought in, and I stood in the middle of the floor while you and your siblings were pulled from a cardboard box. You climbed up my pants leg, up my shirt, and sat on my shoulder. You chose me and I left that day without a dog. Instead,  I gained my baby, my first born, and later, ‘the oldest of the boys.’

You loved to play fetch with pieces of crumbled paper and steal hair bands, only to lose them under the couch.We sat outside on the back porch every day, enjoying the sunshine. Most nights, you slept next to my pillow. Every morning you drank from the bathroom sink while I got ready for work. You forgave me when I brought home not only your brothers, but a few ex-boyfriends too.  And weekly, you forgave Nate for his sloppy kisses and Emmitt for stealing your spot on the couch.

You taught me unconditional love. 

Last night, I helped you cross the rainbow bridge.  No amount of  ‘its for the best, you are in a better place, or you are no longer suffering’ will make feel any better. Logically, I know I made the right decision, but my heart is still broken and a piece of me is still missing. I hope you know I never gave up on you.  I just wanted to end your pain and let you chase bugs while enjoying the sunshine again.

I chose a spot under the big oak tree in Gramma’s front yard for you to rest your bones, but I know you will still be next to my pillow every night watching over me.

In the famous words of Whitney Houston‘s songwriter: I will always love you.

See you on the other side.

Love,  Mommy